It's strange how much I dislike people at their core. I consider myself to enjoy life for the most part. In fact, I have no serious qualms with society or anything, as much as this blog would leave you to believe otherwise, mainly due to the fact that I've learned to be okay with the fact that most people, organizations, religions, businesses, and about any other sect... all suck. And though I can now take this in stride and live life to the fullest, when I sit down and think about it, man, I seriously hate people.
Perhaps the thing that makes people so hateable is we're capable of just about anything. No one really hates dogs because they're not smart enough to get into your head. Many hate cats, but that's because cats are awful. But people, we're so intelligent (speaking in relative terms...) that we are constantly pushing the boundaries of our freedom, constantly manipulating, constantly testing consequences; ultimately, constantly trying to do nothing but satisfy ourselves. I simultaneously love and hate it.
First let me assure you that I am quite happy with the species that I ended up in, and I would much prefer this sect of the animal kingdom to an unaware, yet probably quite pleasant existence as a housepet, or awesome jungle monkey. I recognize the total greatness of what we as a species are able to do, and that our accomplishments are a complete product of our freedom. This freedom, like most other good things, comes as a dual edged sword. Along with the ability to solve horrible diseases and impossibly prolong our own existence, we also hold the ability to make fart noises with our mouths, or argue over what episode of Two and a Half Men is best (answer: none).
But unfortunately, I have this same free will everyone else does. I too, have the freedom of abstract thought, self serving mentality and fleeting conscience. Perhaps if I was alone on this planet, this way of operating would work out perfectly for me. Actually, it would; I've gone over this in my head. I'd be the president of no one and I'd sit on a giant 10 story high trash mound in a desolate world like the one in Wall-E and watch movies all day. Which are all starring, written and directed by me.
I'm not alone in this world, however. So essentially, I just have to deal with the fact that deep down, everyone is out to serve their own best interest, and more often than not, they will piss me off. Fine, I can do that. I'll just harbor resentment in the meantime.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Illuminati - Congratulations, Scientology, you're no longer the stupidest train of thought practiced!
Imagine for a second that there is a secret underground organization who is unbeknownst to you running every single facet of your daily life. Government? They're all over it. Massive corporations like Microsoft? Yeah, them too. Rappers? For some reason, yes, rappers as well. Now what if I told you this was all totally true. One massive conspiracy has been operating under your very noses, not really effecting you in any way at all, but most certainly being very malicious in some scary ways that are too difficult for you to fathom. Did I mention they caused 9/11? AND made Eminem sell his soul to the devil?! Those bastards!
What'd you just say? That's the stupidest thing you've ever read?! There's no practical way that any sort of giant undertaking could be performed at this large scale for so long without someone eventually intervening?!? I was afraid it would have to come to this...
What'd you just say? That's the stupidest thing you've ever read?! There's no practical way that any sort of giant undertaking could be performed at this large scale for so long without someone eventually intervening?!? I was afraid it would have to come to this...
press play.
Imagine for a second... that there is a secret underground organization who is unbeknownst to you running every single facet of your daily life. Government?...They're all over it. Massive corporations like Microsoft?!?... Yeah, them too. Rappers?... For some reason, yes, rappers as well. Now... what if I told you this was all totally true. One massive conspiracy has been operating under your very noses... not really effecting you in any way at all... but most certainly being very malicious in some scary ways that are too difficult for you to fathom. Did I mention they caused 9/11? AND made Eminem sell his soul to the devil?!
you can turn that off now.
Suddenly it makes sense, right!?! Oh man, we are in some deep shit! How did we not notice this!?!
For those that aren't familiar with Illuminati, I hopefully summed it all right up there for you. If you actually were intrigued by that little pitch, I recommend you go look up more Illuminati conspiracy videos on YouTube, or perhaps shoot yourself in the hip and bleed out for a good, painful while. I mean, well, since you already have a hip and all, you might as well do that one.
If it's not clear, I absolutely despise people who believe in Illuminati. Badly. Their hearts are in the right place, maybe, and I'm actually quite the fan of open thinking... but eventually you just have to stop being a moron. I can't bother myself to go over every suggested facet of Illuminati, both because I feel I might get stupider every time I repeat any of that tin foil hat jargon, and because it's pretty much impossible. According to active Illuminati-ists (really catchy, right?), there is literally just about nothing that isn't somehow controlled by Illuminati. The economy, the presidential office, the entertainment industry, foreign policy, warfare, it's all under the reign of one invisible group of people with no notable members. And of course, all of that can be logically traced back to one little symbol...
Because that sash translates to "New World Order"... because this super incredibly secret organization is actually ran by the Riddler and they decided to hide hints to their evil deeds on our currency. Right.
hey guys yeah they totally bought it. completely thrown off the trail. i'll wire you that 3 billion dollars now bro make sure to remember to operate some elaborate terrorist attacks on our own country.
oh darn! this isn't my email to Al Gore, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and Kanye West!
Pop Culture References - The Only Thing More Awful than Tila Tequila
I invite you to go one complete day without the aid of pop culture. No discussion of the Karidashian wedding, no debate over the dismissal of Penn State figurehead Joe Paterno, no quoting Mean Girls line for line with your galpals (we can really just do that everyday, if you'd like). Pop culture seems like about the only culture we have today*, literally meaning...well...popular culture!
It's funny, because culture has such a completely different connotation once separated from "popular". The word culture inspires mental images of Paris or Rome, candle lit dinners, a glass of expensive wine as you watch a foreign film you can't understand. Now don't tell anyone as you slide popular right before it, no big deal, it's an innocent enough word on its own. All of a sudden Hulk Hogan is stomping on your romantic evening and Snooki is getting wasted off of your imported wine. Images of Rome and Paris are quickly replaced by pictures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (not that those are bad mental images to have, by any means).
A lot of names you might recognize in that last paragraph, right? Maybe they made that paragraph a little funnier; that was what they were supposed to do. But why!? Why do we get kicks by interjecting the lives of people who will never know us, will never even ponder for a second our existence, into our own, and acting as if the intimate details of their liveliness somehow concern us in any way? I'm not pleading innocence, because I'm in the exact same boat as you guys. I'll laugh when Seth MacFarlane does ANOTHER cut-away gag making fun of Sarah Jessica Parker, or whoever the hell it is this time. I'll enjoy it when we all discuss how horrible of an actor Nicholas Cage is, and continue to ponder how he persists to book starring roles in high budget films. But all the while, is it not a bit pathetic?
My best guess is that we enjoy pop culture references because they give us an outlet. We all love talking poop about other people. Friends, teachers, coworkers, family; sometimes you just need to rip on someone. But as gratifying as this can sometimes be, it's also not usually the wisest of action, as it can lead to treacherous consequences like the tearing of friendship bracelets, the failing of classes, the lack of employment, or the loss of a wedding ring. So instead of jeopardizing personal relationships we've built over years with people we see all the time, we channel our negative energy towards someone who could not possible care less. While they are all living "the life" up in the clouds, we are living the life without quotation marks, down on the surface miles below them. So it feels good to yell hurtful things at them from down low, even though they can't hear us. Even as thousands of us prod at them, they don't even notice us, as they're far too busy doing super cool famous people things. We can't bother them, because we don't exist. On the other hand, we get to find a largely harmless outlet for our natural urge to gossip. Reevaluating, now: stupid as they may be, pop culture references may be keeping the American institutions of marriage, business, camaraderie and education afloat. Keep up the good work, Family Guy.
*best read with nose upturned, disapproving sneer and fingers daintily wrapped around a glass of chardonnay. moncocle is optional
It's funny, because culture has such a completely different connotation once separated from "popular". The word culture inspires mental images of Paris or Rome, candle lit dinners, a glass of expensive wine as you watch a foreign film you can't understand. Now don't tell anyone as you slide popular right before it, no big deal, it's an innocent enough word on its own. All of a sudden Hulk Hogan is stomping on your romantic evening and Snooki is getting wasted off of your imported wine. Images of Rome and Paris are quickly replaced by pictures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (not that those are bad mental images to have, by any means).
A lot of names you might recognize in that last paragraph, right? Maybe they made that paragraph a little funnier; that was what they were supposed to do. But why!? Why do we get kicks by interjecting the lives of people who will never know us, will never even ponder for a second our existence, into our own, and acting as if the intimate details of their liveliness somehow concern us in any way? I'm not pleading innocence, because I'm in the exact same boat as you guys. I'll laugh when Seth MacFarlane does ANOTHER cut-away gag making fun of Sarah Jessica Parker, or whoever the hell it is this time. I'll enjoy it when we all discuss how horrible of an actor Nicholas Cage is, and continue to ponder how he persists to book starring roles in high budget films. But all the while, is it not a bit pathetic?
My best guess is that we enjoy pop culture references because they give us an outlet. We all love talking poop about other people. Friends, teachers, coworkers, family; sometimes you just need to rip on someone. But as gratifying as this can sometimes be, it's also not usually the wisest of action, as it can lead to treacherous consequences like the tearing of friendship bracelets, the failing of classes, the lack of employment, or the loss of a wedding ring. So instead of jeopardizing personal relationships we've built over years with people we see all the time, we channel our negative energy towards someone who could not possible care less. While they are all living "the life" up in the clouds, we are living the life without quotation marks, down on the surface miles below them. So it feels good to yell hurtful things at them from down low, even though they can't hear us. Even as thousands of us prod at them, they don't even notice us, as they're far too busy doing super cool famous people things. We can't bother them, because we don't exist. On the other hand, we get to find a largely harmless outlet for our natural urge to gossip. Reevaluating, now: stupid as they may be, pop culture references may be keeping the American institutions of marriage, business, camaraderie and education afloat. Keep up the good work, Family Guy.
*best read with nose upturned, disapproving sneer and fingers daintily wrapped around a glass of chardonnay. moncocle is optional
Vulgarity - Why the %$#& Not?
(content warning. strong language. hopefully with the title, that's a given)
-----------------------------------------------------
Damn. Hell. Fuck. Shit. Ass. Bitch. Bastard. (that was quick, right?)
What was your reaction just now, reading that? Did you feel outraged? Did you think it was an obnoxious display of gratuity? Did you consider closing out of this blog right then and there?
Any of those reactions are plausible, and really, they're understandable. Well, actually, sort of. Yeah, they're understandable in the immediate sense of the word, I mean, you can relate. "Swear words" are offensive and often make people uncomfortable; or at least shock them a bit. But in the true sense of the word, is that really UNDERSTANDABLE? Yes, you can sympathize with the notion of swear words holding some dangerous, hurtful connotations, but do you really understand why? If you do, clearly you should be writing this blog, because me scratching this surface here is about as deep as my proverbial drill goes. So just for kicks and giggles (my S-bomb ammo is already out), let me give you some food for thought. I found it on this scratch-covered surface.
Yes, those words are offensive. Let me offer a late apology to all of the elderly mink-coat, hand-monocle wearing British ladies I just imagined fainting after reading the beginning of this entry. Now let me offer an apology to all of the still conscious people who just had to read that last sentence. Now let me apologize to Ms. A for making her read this blog entry. Damn, what was I saying? (oops, sorry again, british mink monocle ladies) Right. Those words are offensive. But why?
It baffles me the way certain words are considered outrageous and awful, and others aren't. Yes, the F-bomb is horrible and offensive, I understand that. But can anyone explain to me why? Or at very least, how that was decided? Words are all the same thing: a combination of letters/sounds. D-U-C-K. Awh, isn't that sweet, how cute, everyone loves waterfowl! Kick out that "D", drop in an "F" and suddenly you can't hear it in a theater until you're 17.
Was there a conference where they just decided what words were taboo and which were acceptable? I can only assume that at one point there was a table full of sophisticated men in important people business suits, sitting about a table with a couple of old moncole mink coat ladies, and they just shot off ideas.
Car?
...Good.
Plate?
...Good.
Chair?
...Good.
Ass?
...can I hear that one again?
The word was "ass", sir.
...what an absolutely dreadful, unpleasant sounding word! We shall not have it!
(British mink monocle ladies faint in unison)
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