Illuminati - Congratulations, Scientology, you're no longer the stupidest train of thought practiced!

Imagine for a second that there is a secret underground organization who is unbeknownst to you running every single facet of your daily life. Government? They're all over it. Massive corporations like Microsoft? Yeah, them too. Rappers? For some reason, yes, rappers as well. Now what if I told you this was all totally true. One massive conspiracy has been operating under your very noses, not really effecting you in any way at all, but most certainly being very malicious in some scary ways that are too difficult for you to fathom. Did I mention they caused 9/11? AND made Eminem sell his soul to the devil?! Those bastards!

What'd you just say? That's the stupidest thing you've ever read?! There's no practical way that any sort of giant undertaking could be performed at this large scale for so long without someone eventually intervening?!? I was afraid it would have to come to this...

press play.

Imagine for a second... that there is a secret underground organization who is unbeknownst to you running every single facet of your daily life. Government?...They're all over it. Massive corporations like Microsoft?!?... Yeah, them too. Rappers?... For some reason, yes, rappers as well. Now... what if I told you this was all totally true. One massive conspiracy has been operating under your very noses... not really effecting you in any way at all... but most certainly being very malicious in some scary ways that are too difficult for you to fathom. Did I mention they caused 9/11? AND made Eminem sell his soul to the devil?!

you can turn that off now.

Suddenly it makes sense, right!?! Oh man, we are in some deep shit! How did we not notice this!?!

For those that aren't familiar with Illuminati, I hopefully summed it all right up there for you. If you actually were intrigued by that little pitch, I recommend you go look up more Illuminati conspiracy videos on YouTube, or perhaps shoot yourself in the hip and bleed out for a good, painful while. I mean, well, since you already have a hip and all, you might as well do that one.

If it's not clear, I absolutely despise people who believe in Illuminati. Badly. Their hearts are in the right place, maybe, and I'm actually quite the fan of open thinking... but eventually you just have to stop being a moron. I can't bother myself to go over every suggested facet of Illuminati, both because I feel I might get stupider every time I repeat any of that tin foil hat jargon, and because it's pretty much impossible. According to active Illuminati-ists (really catchy, right?), there is literally just about nothing that isn't somehow controlled by Illuminati. The economy, the presidential office, the entertainment industry, foreign policy, warfare, it's all under the reign of one invisible group of people with no notable members. And of course, all of that can be logically traced back to one little symbol...

Because that sash translates to "New World Order"... because this super incredibly secret organization is actually ran by the Riddler and they decided to hide hints to their evil deeds on our currency. Right.

hey guys yeah they totally bought it. completely thrown off the trail. i'll wire you that 3 billion dollars now bro make sure to remember to operate some elaborate terrorist attacks on our own country.

oh darn! this isn't my email to Al Gore, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and Kanye West!