Fortune cookies... such a beloved snack. A revolutionary step in the establishment of terrible snack items combined with pieces of paper; an innovative niche that just somehow hasn't expanded into a billion dollar industry quite yet. Where would we be without them? Probably still the same place as you are right now, unless you're perhaps reading this blog during your lunch break at Wonton Food, Noodle and Fortune Cookie Inc. However, their contribution to global society cannot be understated.
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| Advice to live by. |
The year is 1918, let us take a trip to Hong Kong, China. Now let us leave Hong Kong, China and go back to the United States, because no one in China knows what a fortune cookie is. David Yung decided that it would be a good idea to put quotes by philosopher Confucius in tea cakes at his Los Angeles Chinese restaurant; apparently not under the influence of any mind altering substance at the time. Then lots of people copied him and did similar things at their Chinese restaurants. Now they are at most Chinese restaurants. It's not the most gripping story.
Regardless of their illustrious history, I have spent many a sleepless late night pondering about fortune cookies. No doubt channeling my inner Confucius through a mix of starchy cookie and voodoo magic, I have found they are a breeding ground for deep intellectual thought unprecedented in my life.
Why is that America is so fond of taking random, very local ideas and labeling them as foreign culture? I can assure you that everyday authentic Chinese cuisine does not consist of deep-fried breaded chicken dipped in sugary sauce and sesame seeds. Perhaps a more apt name for Chinese food would be "Really Unhealthy Fried Food Slathered in Equally Unhealthy Condiment", but something about that just doesn't do it for people. Instead, people eat this disgustingly delicious, greasy food in ridiculous proportions and justify it with a "when in Rome!" mentality; I mean if the Chinese eat this way, why can't I? Right? I mean, we've seen the people over there!
Why is that fortune cookies are getting more and more vague over the years? When I was younger I recall getting interesting, vivid predictions in my after dinner reward. I would be informed of interesting and hopeful things that were to happen in my future, being assured of magnificent improbabilities like "You will have an uncomfortable emotional encounter with the investigator in your dentist's ongoing audit, oh, and also, don't wear open-toed shoes to that concert tonight, you'll thank me later". Now, I don't even bother to open the things anymore. The only thing you get today is a statement so impossibly vague and applicable to any situation that they're probably better off just putting Bazooka Comics in there instead. (look it up kids)
Why are the cookies of such awfully poor quality? I don't know anyone who enjoys the taste of fortune cookies. In fact, most everyone I know throws away their actual cookie and just reads their fortune, if they even do that. Perhaps Chinese restaurants should leave a little plastic tub next to all of their tables and allow patrons to discard their unwanted cardboard sugar starch treat, which would undoubtedly gather en masse, and could be handled by the restaurant as they please. Did I just solve world hunger? It's likely. This raises another question, however! If there is such a massive market for these things, the transitive property would lead me to believe that if take other things of terrible quality and bundle them with paper slips of unclear wisdom, I should be able to suddenly push wagon fulls of the previously undesirable product. World hunger and Ringo Starr's solo career in one day? I do what I can.
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