I Have an Untapped Well of Creativity in My Soul and I Forgot Where I Left It - or - Why I Feel Modern Education Underutilizes Children's Creative Potential

I hate to begin blog posts, conversations, letters, death threats.. anything, with something to the effect of "when I was young..", because I'm fully aware that I am still very much so a young person and that at the age of 17 nostalgia in practice is arbitrary. However, though I aspire to live at least 3 or 4 more times my current age, I don't feel I'm speaking under any sort of delusion when I venture to say that this portion of my life may very well be the most important one. As much as I've grown weary of hearing shit about the awkward years of adolescence and their immeasurable bearing on my life as a whole, I think I'm starting to recognize the validity to such statements. These years, along with possibly more importantly, your first couple of years away from home off in college or in the workforce, literally shape us as human beings. Well, not literally shape us. But they literally shape us. They're important.

Yet it seems like in today's society, so much of these years is entirely spent preparing for adulthood. With good reason, obviously; it's very important that we know how to operate in the real world at that we set ourselves up for the best success. But you look at classes, school systems, these days.. every student is dropped into an assembly line where they are essentially prodded to either "Have a Good Life" (i.e., take an assload of AP Classes and essentially spend four years prepping a college resume) or "Work at McDonalds" (i.e., anyone who doesn't stack their schedule in order to hold in best possible academic standing). So much attention is placed on AP Classes, which has an exponentially growing presence in high schools around America, that kids literally just can't be afforded to take a liberal arts course.

As absolutely fantastic it is, and understood I'm definitely not arguing otherwise, that students are given so many chances to get a leg up on their futures, it's stunting the growth of students just as much as it's "maturing" them. This is a crucial mistake to inflict upon people in a stage in their life that, as I've already elaborated, is incredibly important to them; as well as who they become. When I was a child, all the way up until middle school, I was bursting with creativity.

(this is going to run the risk of sounding reaaallly conceited, but it's not as if my writing style didn't make me sound pretentious already, right?)

I drew every day; I was damn good at it, I'm just going to be honest. I'd make drawings for everyone in my classes and people would huddle around my doodles. Not only that, but as my mother is an artist for a living, she helped me hone my craft, and I grew to unconditionally love it. I also loved the hell out of film. Lots of kids at my age put together little YouTube videos, usually "stunt videos" or something to that effect, and in that regard I was among many. But I would write scripts, set up multiple camera angles, splice audio, montage clips and seriously make movies! This passion consumed most of my middle school tenure and recording and editing these videos were some of the happiest times of my life, without a doubt. For most of my years leading up to high school, however, the one thing I really thought I'd be doing with my life was writing. Creative writing. I freaking loved it. I wrote stories all the time, for funzies. This was a passion and it was also skill, a legitimate talent. Some will probably liken my dream to that pretty good white high school basketball player saying he was going to play in the NBA, but I seriously believe to this day that it was something I could have done with my life. Was.

(youtube jacked my audio, used to have Better Days by Citizen King in the back... twas cool; from 7th grade)

When I was young, I felt brilliant. I felt utilized, I felt like I knew my talent and I knew what I wanted to do with it. I was a very happy round peg. Then I got to high school, and they whittled off my edges until I fit the square hole. Sure, I make a fine square peg, I'm not an idiot. But everyone has a talent, a calling in life, and instead of building a hole for the triangles, the trapezoids, the circles and the stars, we are, during the fucking most important stage in our lives, told that either we'll have to shed some weight and fit the square hole, everyone's ideal blueprint to everyone's perfect life, or that we'll get thrown in the trash bin and we'll have to overcome the odds to climb out. What the hell do you think any smart kid is going to do? No one wants to be a fuck up. Here's a conversation I run through every month or so.

Person: What are you going to do in life?

Me: Go to business school.

Person: You don't want to write?

Me: No.

Person: Anyone can do business! Don't you want to do something different? Don't you want to love what you do?

Me: No. For every Steven Speilberg there are a thousand broke kids wandering Hollywood. For every Van Gogh there are a thousand deadbeat artists. For every New York Bestseller, there are a thousand starving poets. I think business will do me just fine.

Person: Smart kid! I bet your parents are real proud of you.

What in god's name is that? I believe everything I just wrote there. That's not me reciting lines, I've grown to understand the logic of the world. The world has battered us down to the point where not believing in myself is the intelligent thing to do. There are risk-takers in the world, and they are the stupid ones. Unless they make it, then they are the genius ones. A lot is made by ornery underachievers of the fact that men like Steve Jobs were drop outs. Most of this is just said by lazy-asses looking for some slack, but there is serious intrigue to the idea. Some of the most successful people in the world, some of society's most brilliant innovators, took a risk, took faith in themselves and made a difference.

Who knows, Jobs (rest in peace) may have made a damn fine accountant. He was smart enough, maybe he'd have managed a law firm all his life, made $200k+ a year. Bet his parents would have been real proud of him. But he took a huge shit on society's blue print and said

"I am something special and I will make a difference in this world whether it be by the book or by my own means". And he changed the freaking world.

I'm not saying I'm Richard Branson, Michael Dell or Steve Jobs. I will never be as smart, cutting, determined or talented as those guys. But if I feel like I'm being oppressed by modern education, then I'd assume I'm not the only one. Furthermore, I'd assume that there are far more that are being beleaguered by the incessant chanting of the well-intentioned parents, friends, faculty... And though some like Jobs took the leap of fatih, who knows who else we're holding back? That guy with the nice house in the middle-class neighborhood might be more than content with his life, but maybe that guy could have been the next one that changed the world. But he, but all of us, have been given the mindset that our peak is greatness. People settle for mediocrity because we've been told it's unrealistic, risky, reckless.. to shoot for exceptional.

Mediocrity. That was the word I was looking for. Today, I feel mediocre. I don't get to draw anymore. I haven't touched a video camera in years. I wanted to take a drawing class, but I dropped it to make room in my schedule for classes colleges would give two spits about. I was signed up for a creative writing class, but I had to drop it because I was so swamped with AP coursework. Our education system has the best possible intentions for us, but by guiding everyone how to work for greatness, we've closed the door for the unprecedented.

When I was young... I was going to be something. I was going to do what I loved and I was going to harness my talent in the best possible way, and I was going to be something. I never even gave it a second thought. Why wouldn't I?

Today, I already know what I'm going to do. I'm going to eventually get my business degree, and I'm going to do my best to secure a high-level, consistent income. I'll probably be very happy with my life. It kills me how okay I am with that.