Critical Analysis - Right Sock

The right sock. Oh, the right sock. Oh, oh, oh, the right sock. It is not the left sock, and it is most certainly not the right shoe. More certain than all, it is definitely not a political candidate or a computer processor. Instead, it is simply the right sock. Yet it could be argue that perhaps, the right sock is more powerful, more important, more significant than any of these things. In fact, it is possibly without debate that the right sock is the finest invention in American history. It is indisputable the right sock is in fact the greatest innovation of man, or any other possible extraterrestrial species, to ever be conceived in the history of the massive span of the universe.

Let me begin with an anecdote. Once upon a time, there was a man who found himself in quite the predicament. He found himself caught in a tragic dillema, at the hands of an insatiable, unstable mugger on the streets of New York City. The mugger tells him that he is either to surrender his money, or witness the cold-blooded murder of his entire extended family, whom the mugger had forcibly assembled in a van down the street. Perhaps this seems an easy decision, until it is revealed that the man has on his person the cash sum of $840,000, and that all of his family members have amassed exactly this amount in gambling debt, and were to be killed later that evening by loan sharks if these debts were not paid. It seems at this point, it is inevitable that this man's family will perish. In a grasp of desperation, he attempts to pull off his shoe to show the robber his right sock, which as we all know, posseses intangible charms capable of dissuading any aggressor. Unfortunately, as he begins to remove his shoe, the robber is threatened by his sudden movement and shoots him in the chest, killing him instantly. However, the police hear the gunshot, and the criminal is apprehended. The $840,000 dollars is returned to the family, who pay off their gambling debt and go on to all become the Presidents of the United States.

Indeed, the right sock symbolizes nobility. Selflessness. Generosity. Love. Compassion. Alongside these things, it could even be said to represent firecrackers. Bubble baths. Steamships. Greek math equations. The anecdote I recited prior is just that, an anecdote. That never actually occurred, and that man was never shot by a cruel mugger. Instead, that story brings out the true meaning of the right sock, a truly underappreciated corner stone of international society.