Monday, May 28, 2012

Problems that Require Superheroes pt. 1

We all know the "big-name" superheroes. Spiderman, Batman, Iron Man and The Hulk are always busy catching their names in the flashing lights. Saving the world, again! Preventing a nuclear Armageddon, again! These are guys who are so caught up in their supremacy over the average population that all they can worry about are the supposed "big issues". But what everyman, what Average Joe, is going to be affected by this sort of thing? The end of the world?! What about real people problems? For this, I propose a new band of superheroes, concerned with the plight of the average man.

 Traffic Man - Oh god, the traffic is atrocious. You're going to be late for work, AGAIN. You'll probably get fired, lose your job, get divorced by your wife, lose custody of your kids and end up on a street corner. And yet as you sit there in your car, coming to terms with your demise, there is nothing you can do about it. UNTIL... Traffic Man swoops down to the rescue. Traffic Man can fly, and is also equipped with super strength and God-like coordination. With this ability, he can actually pick up cars caught in abysmal traffic, and toss them to their destination with the perfect trajectory. If the passenger survives the flight, he will find he saved unspeakable amounts of time! Thanks, Traffic Man!

Mr. Bookmark - You're getting really into this book, now. You've flown through the last 100 pages, and you can't wait to keep going... but right now, you have to go to your Grandma's to bake cookies. You really don't want to lose your spot, but there's not a bookmark in sight. With no possible solution presenting itself, you begin to fold back the page that you're on to preserve your position... POW. Mr. Bookmark slides out from under your bed! Equipped with a full arsenal of fun and vibrant bookmarks, you'll never have to compromise the makeup of your precious books ever again!

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