I am a very self-indulgent guy. Though I think my awareness in this aspect manages to isolate me from total ego-maniacal lunacy, it also manages to isolate me from other important social skills (read; self-discipline, motivation, work ethic, etc.). However, I think, eventually I just have to grow up. I am getting progressively more bumfucked by my terrible grades each term of school I've gone through. I'm not a stupid guy; hell, I'm a very smart guy. But I don't know what to do. The first step in fixing a problem is acceptance, right?
I've accepted that I'm a total piece of shit academically for four years now. It's not going anywhere. I've wrote dumbass blog posts like this, got yelled at by rightfully distraught parents, got yelled at by myself, I've told a hundred thousand million people everything I do wrong, I've broke it down on charts and maps and I've schemed out all of the things I'm doing so horribly wrong in life. But I can't get myself to do ANYTHING about it.
Because I'm lazy. Jesus, am I lazy. I don't do hardly anything that doesn't best serve pleasing me at that very moment. I will sit in bed for an hour, thinking to myself, "Please do your homework. Please do it. You are going to fuck up your future so bad." and then I go to bed. I don't know what the hell there is to do.
I just think it's beyond strange how work-ethic and intelligence work. I need some fucking Adderall, or something. I've been told a million times that people would kill to have my intelligence and that I'm pissing it away because I'm a lazy fuck. Has it ever occurred to anyone that I would kill to have their work ethic? Obviously it's a nature vs nurture thing to an extent, but my parents have done a damn fine job raising me and I've consistently let them down.
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